I've come to realize that I'm nearly at maximum capacity. Every time I add a new thing, something else pops out of place. I've been trying not to take on even more - it's not easy. I actually really do want to bake and do crafts for the school Christmas show and...and...and.
Saturday nights are my only real "me" time.
I'm not complaining. My job as mom is an honor and I give it everything I have. I make fun happen all week. After work and school we read books, do homework, build Lego towers, look at stars, climb trees, paint pictures, swim, play piano, Google for answers to the bizarre questions he asks. Weekends, we have big, romping groups of boys sleep over, I take the kid on educational outings (or just to ride roller coasters). Always, I cook dinners, sew patches, cuddle, go for bike rides, play tooth fairy and plan fantastic birthday parties.
And so some Saturday nights, as last night, I give up sleep for catching up. For sitting down and wrapping my head around my hectic life and all the pieces of it, making sure as best I can that nothing - and nobody - gets left out.
It's my turn to host Thanksgiving this year, mostly with chosen family. I'm so lucky to have a wonderful, vibrant group of friends. There are many more I wish could come.
Sunday today. My "day off." Got up at 7:30. Did some much-needed errands. Replaced a broken toilet seat. Fixed a favorite toy. The mailing list for the writer's group I help with is ready to go but still haven't gotten to the Cub Scouts website or planning the next fundraiser which is coming right up. The laundry is done but not folded. Some bills are paid, others will wait. Twinkly lights were strung across the garden seating area, the menu is planned, shopping done. House de-cluttered but not clean. That'll happen before people arrive. Did some weeding and re-planting so it's pretty for Thursday. Pieces of various puzzles have been re-organized. Caught up with an old friend while cleaning the kitchen. I even watched half a movie while I did some other things! Didn't get to work out, but there was kitten poop to contend with and that's my excuse for the evening. I'm sleepy.
I got enough done today so I won't be in a panic this week; a good place to be on any Sunday night in my book. Next weekend, come hell or high water, even if my long list of waiting projects sits and rots, I'm going to the movies. A real, live grownup movie. I want to see Cloud Atlas. I want to see Lincoln. I want to see... it has been way too long since I've been to the movies. Once upon a time, nary a weekend went by without my seeing at least one on the big screen. Of all the things I don't get to do as much as I'd like, I think I miss that the most. On the other hand, I really need to get over myself. I choose where my time goes. Feeling vaguely sorry for myself for even a moment over the way I'd like things to be doesn't help anything. I've got my eye on a distant mountain-top. None of the minor pitfalls like boorish ex's, to-thin wallets or kitten poop will dissuade me. And if that's all I have to complain about? I've got a lot to be thankful for.
All romantic musings aside, mostly because I don't have much time for them right now, this is my life. Pull back the curtain and you'll see the wizard working frantically to make effortless-seeming miracles appear all over the place.